M-I-C-K-E-Y . . .
by Capt. Janeway
Summary: NextGen characters get stuck in Disneyland!
1. The Insanity Begins . . .

"M-I-C-K-E-Y . . . (Part I)"  
by Capt. Janeway  
  
SUMMARY: NextGen characters get trapped in Disneyland!  
  
RATING: G  
  
DISCLAIMER: Neither Next Generation nor Disneyland belong to me. There, I said it, so  
don't sue me. LOL  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi, Sicily oops!! I forgot!! (Chanting to myself: I will not say hi to Sicily, I will  
not say hi to Sicily, I will not say hi to Sicily . . .) Okay, so this is a little wacky . . . I've got a wacky  
imagination. Special thanx to all those nice people who said nice things about "The Space Is Out  
There!" Nice reviews are real confidence-boosters, folks. Keep 'em coming! LOL  
  
FEEDBACK: Always strongly encouraged!! You may either "be a responsible reader" by  
reviewing my little story here, or you may contact me at frenchkitty1@excite.com . Easy on the flames,  
as usual . . . Thanx!! ;)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: The Bridge of the Enterprise. PICARD is in the captain's chair, DATA's at his little  
console, RIKER is in his chair, TROI's in her chair, WORF's at the tactical station thingie . . . you get  
the picture. PICARD & Co. are analyzing the image on the viewscreen very intently:)  
  
PICARD (voice-over): Stardate . . . Number One?  
  
RIKER (voice-over, not in a very cheerful mood): What?!  
  
PICARD (voice-over): What's the day?  
  
RIKER (voice-over, dryly): It's Monday . . . (suddenly remembering his manners:) Sir.  
  
PICARD (voice-over): All right, then . . . Stardate: Monday morning. After our encounter with the  
twenty-first century freaks I mean, American law enforcement officers from Capt. Janeway's previous  
fic, we are quite ready for our nice, peaceful mission . . . We've had our obligatory Q-episode for the  
season, so hopefully this mission will be fairly uneventful . . . Anyhow, we're on our way to Anon  
Ymous MMCLXVI to investigate an anomalous anomaly in the space-time continuum or something like  
that . . . Oh, fiddlesticks!! I forgot!! It's time for another stupid time-travel episode . . .  
  
(The camera finally reveals the anomaly to us: it's a big bright white blob right smack in the  
center of space. PICARD leans forward to get a better look at it, as DATA examines the readings he's  
getting on his console:)  
  
DATA: Sir, I am getting readings from the anomaly.  
  
PICARD: What sort of readings, Data?  
  
DATA: They are anomalous, Captain.  
  
PICARD (rolling his eyes): I know THAT, Data . . . any indication as to what relevance to the overall  
plot of this episode might be?  
  
DATA: I believe that it is going to be the reason why we are going to go to Disneyla--   
  
RIKER: Don't spoil it for the readers!! Sheesh!! Just because it's in the summary doesn't mean you can  
give the whole darn plot away!!  
  
DATA: I am sorry, Commander.  
  
PICARD: Data, set a course for the anomalous anomaly.  
  
RIKER: That will take us directly into the anomalous anomaly!!  
  
PICARD: Don't you think I know that?! For crying out loud, Number One, I've got to move the plot  
forward!!  
  
DATA: Course laid in, sir.  
  
PICARD: Engage!!  
  
(We see the Enterprise zoom toward the big bright white blob, and eventually go into it. Then,  
back on the bridge, there is a lot of noisy turbulence:)  
  
DATA: Hull integrity barely holding, Captain!  
  
WORF: Sir!! Perhaps it is a good day for us to die and destroy the anomalous anomaly--   
  
PICARD, RIKER, AND TROI: Shut-up!!  
  
WORF (muttering under his breath): Mmmmm . . . Perhaps it is an even better day for THEM to die . .  
.   
  
PICARD: Mister Data!! Are we almost through?!  
  
DATA: Yes--! (the turbulence suddenly stops) Yes, Captain. We are through.  
  
PICARD: Thank goodness. All right, what day is it?  
  
DATA: It is (pausing for suspense) . . . August 28, 2001, sir.  
  
PICARD: 2001 . . . the very year Capt. Janeway, the author of this fic, turned 15!! My gosh!! That's  
what the Borg have come here to do: stop her from turning 15!! (like his line from First Contact:)   
We've got to follow them back . . . repair whatever damage they've done!!!!  
  
RIKER: Uhh, sir?  
  
PICARD: What is it, Number One?  
  
RIKER: The Borg aren't here.  
  
PICARD: Really?  
  
RIKER: Really.  
  
PICARD: Are you sure?  
  
RIKER: Absolutely.  
  
PICARD: Absolutely?  
  
RIKER: Positively.  
  
PICARD: Positively?  
  
RIKER: Absolutely.  
  
PICARD: Are you absolutely positively sure that the Borg aren't here?  
  
RIKER: Exactly.  
  
PICARD: Oh . . . okay. Mister Data, contact Mister LaForge and Doctor Crusher . . . we're all going  
to beam down to this twenty-first century Earth just for the kicks.  
  
RIKER: Everybody?  
  
PICARD: Yes, all the senior officers . . .   
  
RIKER: Sir, are you sure that's wise?  
  
PICARD: Think of it as (thinking) . . . a plot-expediting shore leave. I'll meet everyone down in the  
transporter room.  
  
(PICARD, RIKER, and WORF exit via the turbolift, as DATA contacts LAFORGE. He  
cracks a couple of jokes that are just out of our hearing, but we can hear the gales of LAFORGE's  
laughter coming through the console. Eventually, after gabbing with his best bud some more, DATA  
finally delivers PICARD's message, and ends the communication. DATA then contacts CRUSHER,  
who apparently was having a really, really bad day in sickbay, I mean, a REALLY bad day!! as we  
can hear her yelling through the console at our poor little android friend. DATA quickly tells her the  
news and ends the communication. DATA exits to the turbolift.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Down on 21st Century Earth, just outside the gates of Disneyland. PICARD, DATA,  
WORF, CRUSHER, LAFORGE, TROI, and RIKER suddenly materialize. They instantly whip out  
their tricorders except, of course, for WORF--who pulls out a very mean looking phaser rifle--and  
TROI and start scanning the area, in spite of the fact that they are in the midst of a huge crowd of  
people. I guess they forgot about the Prime Directive, again . . .)  
  
PICARD: Where are all these people going?  
  
DATA: I believe that they are congregating outside these gates so they may enter Disneyla--   
  
RIKER: Shut-up, Data!  
  
DATA: I am sorry. Please inform me, Commander, when I am allowed to say the word "Disneyla--"  
  
RIKER: What did I just tell you to do, Data?!  
  
DATA: I believe you told me to "shut-up."  
  
RIKER: That's right, and if you happen to value your existence, you'll avoid saying "Disneyla--"  
  
PICARD: Number One!! Shut-up!!  
  
RIKER (like a little toddler who's just been punished severely): Okay.  
  
(Suddenly, an ANNOUNCER GUY steps out from the crowd to DATA:)  
  
ANNOUNCER GUY: Hey!! Lieutenant Commander Data!! Now that you've beamed down to  
twenty-first century Earth, what are you going to do now?!  
  
DATA: I am going to Disneyland.  
  
ANNOUNCER GUY: Good for you!!  
  
(ANNOUNCER GUY exits.)  
  
RIKER (rolling his eyes): Oh, thanks a lot, Data! Now the readers have no reason whatsoever to  
continue to read this fic!!  
  
DATA: I am sorry, Commander.  
  
LAFORGE: Sir, I'd really like to get a look at this place . . . so much incredibly primitive technology to  
look at!!  
  
DATA: I concur, Captain.  
  
TROI: I sense great joy and ecstacy . . . NO!!! FEAR!! PARALYZING FEAR!! . . . Ah, now great  
joy and ecstacy again . . . FEAR!! FEAR!! GREAT FEAR!!! AAAAAAAAHH!!!  
  
PICARD: All right . . . let's take a vote. All in favor of exploring Disneyland?  
  
EVERYONE EXCEPT RIKER & WORF: Aye!  
  
PICARD: All against the proposition?  
  
RIKER & WORF: Nay!  
  
PICARD (muttering to himself, referring to RIKER and WORF): They're so predictable . . .  
sometimes, I wonder why I even bother . . . (addressing everyone) All right, then! Let's go to  
Disneyland!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just inside the gates of Disneyland. All the NextGen characters are there, looking  
around as they start to walk down Main Street, U.S.A. DATA is carefully analyzing one of those little  
maps that describes where everything is:)  
  
DATA: . . . And so, I believe that the wisest course of action would be to split up into groups so that  
we may accomplish more in less time.  
  
PICARD: Groups?  
  
DATA: That is correct, sir.  
  
PICARD: Very well, then. Let's see . . . ummm . . . Mister Data--no, Doctor Crusher and I will go to  
Tomorrowland. Mmmmm . . . Commander Riker and Counselor Troi, you will go to Fantasyland and  
Critter Country . . . and Mister Worf--no, wait, Mister LaForge and Mister Data will go to  
Adventureland and Frontierland. Mister Worf will go to Mickey's Toontown. At exactly six o'clock,  
we'll meet in New Orleans Square. Understood?  
  
WORF: I would rather die a dishonorable death than go to (with great disgust) Mickey's Toontown.  
  
PICARD: Mister Worf, I think it might do you some good to get away from stressful things for a while.  
  
WORF: It is a perfect day for me to die!  
  
LAFORGE: Hey, take it easy, Worf! It's not all that bad . . . There'll just be a lot of little kids around  
you, that's all.  
  
WORF (looking up at the sky): Take me now, please! Take me now!!  
  
PICARD (deciding to ignore WORF): All right, everyone. Let's split up. And remember! Be back at  
New Orleans Square no later than six o'clock. Got it?  
  
EVERYONE: Got it!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just outside Adventureland. DATA and LAFORGE can be seen entering, looking  
around and scanning the area with their tricorders from time to time:)  
  
LAFORGE: Wow! There's so much here!  
  
DATA (reading from his tricorder): There are approximately 33.56 people per square centimeter . . .  
  
LAFORGE (excitedly as he sees a sign): Hey!! Data!! Wanna go in the Enchanted Tiki Room?!  
  
DATA (cocking his head): Enchanted: As a verb: to hold spellbound, attract and hold the attention or  
interest of, to cast a spell over someone or something; to put a curse on someone or something. As an  
adjective: fascinated, capable of holding spellbound, attracting and holding the attention or interest of,  
casting a spell over someone or something; capable of putting a curse on someone or some--   
  
LAFORGE: Cut it out, Data!  
  
DATA: I am sorry, Geordi.  
  
LAFORGE: Now, do you want to go in the Enchanted Tiki Room or not?  
  
DATA: I believe it would not do any harm.  
  
(DATA and LAFORGE go to the entrance of the Enchanted Tiki Room. The sign says that the  
next show won't be until 11:30 a.m.)  
  
LAFORGE: Data, what time is it?  
  
DATA: According to my internal chronometer, it is 11:10 a.m.  
  
LAFORGE: Darn!! We just missed it! The sign says it runs every twenty minutes. Maybe we can go  
on that one ride you were talking about earlier while we're waiting . . . what was it?  
  
DATA: The Indiana Jones Adventure.  
  
LAFORGE: Yeah! That's it! Let's go there!  
  
(DATA and LAFORGE go to the entrance of the Indiana Jones Adventure, looking at all the  
fascinating things to see:)  
  
LAFORGE: Adventure, here we come!!  
  
(DATA and LAFORGE run inside.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: At the entrance of Tomorrowland. PICARD and CRUSHER walk in, and continue to  
walk as they talk:)  
  
CRUSHER (delighted): Oh! I just love this place!! It's so . . . primitive and . . . fun!! I love it!!  
  
PICARD (not as excited as CRUSHER): Weeeeeee. I'm having so much fun.  
  
CRUSHER: Oh, Jean-Luc!! You just have to go on a few rides to get into the spirit of things! Which  
one do you want to go on, first?  
  
PICARD: I'm not sure . . . perhaps Space Mountain would be a nice, peaceful ride . . .   
  
CRUSHER: There you go!! Get into the spirit of things!!  
  
PICARD: If I hear you say the "spirit of things" one more time, I'm going to relieve you of duty!!  
  
CRUSHER: But it's true, Jean-Luc!!  
  
PICARD: Let's just go to Space Mountain.  
  
CRUSHER: Okay.  
  
(They keep walking, until CRUSHER abruptly stops.)  
  
PICARD: Beverly, what is it?  
  
CRUSHER: I'm not sure, Jean-Luc . . . I feel a trembling in the ground . . .   
  
PICARD: I feel it too . . . (he whips out his tricorder) There seems to be an awful lot of seismic activity  
here . . . Beverly, I think we should get away from here . . .   
  
(Suddenly, water starts shooting up from the ground right under PICARD and CRUSHER,  
drenching and scaring the living heck out of them both. They quickly step aside, stunned.)  
  
CRUSHER: What was that?!  
  
PICARD: I'm not sure . . .  
  
(The springs are spewing water in an organized fashion, some shooting at one time, others  
shooting up at others. As little kids start playing in the springs, some GUY comes up to PICARD and  
CRUSHER:)  
  
GUY: Isn't it funny how those kids love to play in the water?  
  
PICARD: Is the water safe?  
  
GUY (laughing): It'd better be, or I'm going to sue this place!!  
  
CRUSHER: What is it?  
  
GUY: You don't know? They're the Cosmic Waves! All those kids love 'em!!  
  
PICARD: Oh! So these springs are for entertainment?  
  
GUY: Sure! (seeing one particular boy slipping in the water and falling) Oh! Hang on, Joey!! Yeah,  
that's right, I'll help you up!!  
  
(The GUY goes to help the Joey, as PICARD and CRUSHER continue:)  
  
PICARD: Beverly, let's get out of here and just go to Space Mountain.  
  
CRUSHER: Good idea, Jean-Luc.  
  
(They walk off, presumably toward Space Mountain.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just past Sleeping Beauty's Castle the entrance to Fantasyland. We see RIKER  
and TROI looking around them, trying to figure out what to do:)  
  
RIKER: Let's see . . . (pointing) There's Peter Pan's Flight over there . . .  
  
TROI: FEAR!! FEAR!!! GREAT, PARALYZING FEAR!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!  
  
RIKER: Okay, I understand . . . you don't like that one . . . all right, then, there's Mister Toad's Wild  
Ride . . . That might be fun . . .   
  
TROI: FEAR!!!!!!! FEAR!!!!!! THE FEAR!!!  
  
RIKER: . . . Dumbo the Flying Elephant . . .  
  
TROI: Ah . . . relief . . . great relief . . . fear subsiding . . .   
  
RIKER: Dumbo the Flying Elephant? You want to go on that one?  
  
TROI: Uh-oh . . . fear increasing . . . increasing . . .   
  
RIKER: Okay, you're not crazy about Dumbo the Flying Elephant . . . We'll save that one for last . . .  
How about the Matterhorn Bobsleds?  
  
TROI: FEAR!!!! FEAR IS RETURNING!!!! FEAR!!!! HELP!!! THE FEAR!!!!!  
  
RIKER: Awww, man! I really wanted to go on that one!!  
  
TROI: FEAR!!!!  
  
RIKER: Well . . . Maybe after a few rides, you'll find the courage. How about It's a Small World?  
  
TROI: Ah . . . fear subsiding again . . . relief . . .   
  
RIKER: All right, then, Small World it is!  
  
(RIKER yanks TROI along as he starts running toward It's a Small World before she starts  
back into her "Fear" thing.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: At the entrance of Mickey's Toontown. We see droves of excited kids scurrying  
everywhere; some are rushing to see Mickey & Minnie Mouse or should that be "Mice"? who,  
unfortunately for the kids, are getting ready to take their cigarette breaks. As soon as the kids see the  
people dressed as Mickey & Minnie take off their headpieces, they scream in horror, and start running  
frantically, trying to find someone who can help Mickey & Minnie reattach their heads. WORF  
immediately hides behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse as a group of screaming kids run by him:)  
  
WORF (fiercely glaring up at the sky): What have I done?! WHAT?! Am I THAT dishonorable?!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Back in Adventureland. LAFORGE and DATA are still walking down the endless  
corridors that lead to the Indiana Jones Adventure. DATA is scanning those fake hieroglyphics on the  
walls with his tricorder, while LAFORGE looks at the fake skeletons:)  
  
LAFORGE: Looks like not too many people made it out of here, Data.  
  
DATA (reading from his tricorder): These hieroglyphics appear to indicate how much further we have  
to go.  
  
LAFORGE: Well? How much further?  
  
DATA: Twenty kilometers underground.  
  
LAFORGE (sarcastically): Great. That's sure comforting.  
  
(LAFORGE is about to take another step:)  
  
DATA: Geordi! Do not step down!!  
  
LAFORGE (stopping in med-step): Why?  
  
DATA: You were about to step on a stone with a particular symbol meaning death. (he points to one  
of those stones in the floor with a little eye carved in it.) If you step on one, it can trigger a series of  
booby-traps.  
  
LAFORGE: Oh!! Thanks Data!! I'll be more careful.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just outside the entrance to Space Mountain. I'm talking about the real entrance just  
before you enter to get on the ride, not the fake outdoor entrance. We see PICARD and CRUSHER  
climbing on board a car and strapping themselves in:)  
  
PICARD: This had better be good, Beverly.  
  
CRUSHER (laughing): Oh, Jean-Luc!! You just have to--   
  
PICARD: SAY THAT PHRASE AND YOU'RE RELIEVED OF DUTY!!!!  
  
CRUSHER (quietly): --be patient.  
  
PICARD: All right . . . that's fine. As long as it's not "get into the spirit of things."  
  
(Suddenly, the car jolts, and it starts moving into the dark tunnel:)  
  
CRUSHER: Here we go!!  
  
(The car starts tilting up, as that weird red light starts shining right into their eyes and the  
futuristic music blares:)  
  
PICARD (sarcastically): Weee. This is so fun.  
  
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!! Just be quiet!!  
  
(The car finally reaches the top, and there is a moment where they drift a bit, until the coaster  
finally gets going. . .)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Back in Adventureland. LAFORGE and DATA are still lost somewhere inside the  
endless tunnels and corridors that lead to the Indiana Jones Adventure. Those fake skeletons and  
what-have-you that are part of the decor inside the building are everywhere around DATA and  
LAFORGE. DATA, of course, is fine, but LAFORGE looks absolutely exhausted. Suddenly, he  
collapses on the floor:)  
  
DATA: Geordi? Are you all right?  
  
LAFORGE: No, Data. (cough!!) This is it for me!! (cough!! cough!!) I can't go any further!! It's  
taking so darn long!! For all I know, it's been days since we first entered this place!! (cough!! cough!!   
cough!!)  
  
DATA: Geordi, it has only been forty-five minutes.  
  
LAFORGE: And how do I know you're not just another one of my hallucinations I've been having?!  
  
DATA: I can assure you, I am quite real.  
  
LAFORGE: Yeah . . . that's what the pink elephant back there told me, too . . .  
  
DATA: Perhaps it would be best if we left. You are obviously in no condition to go on an Adventure.  
  
LAFORGE: No, Data . . . you go on without me . . . just leave me here to die with (pointing to a trio of  
fake skeletons) these guys . . . four's a crowd, I guess . . .  
  
DATA: I believe that the maxim states that "three is a crowd."  
  
LAFORGE: Whatever. . . (dramatically) Goodbye, Data! You've been such a dear friend!!  
  
DATA: Geordi, you are coming with me, and we are going to leave.  
  
LAFORGE: No, Data! Keep going!! Go on the Adventure!!  
  
DATA: If I am to go on the Adventure, Geordi, you must come with me.  
  
LAFORGE: Data, I can't!! You go on without me!!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just inside It's a Small World. We see RIKER and TROI on a little boat together.   
TROI is finally starting to relax a bit, while RIKER looks around:)  
  
RIKER: Wow! Look at all those dolls!!  
  
TROI: I know . . . Hah! It's so fun to see primitive technology!! It's so . . . primitive!!  
  
RIKER: Yeah . . .   
  
(Suddenly, TROI gets a very frightened expression on her face:)  
  
TROI: Will?  
  
RIKER: Yeah, Deanna?  
  
TROI: That song . . . they just keep repeating the lyrics over and over . . .   
  
RIKER: Yeah? So?  
  
TROI: . . . over and over . . . over and over . . .   
  
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS (singing in annoying voices): . . . It's a Small World after all! It's a Small  
World after all! It's a Small World after all! . . .   
  
TROI: Will, I want to get off, now . . .   
  
RIKER: Deanna, hang on, we'll get out of here eventually . . .   
  
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS: . . . It's a Small, Small World!! . . .   
  
TROI: Will!! Make them stop!! Make the voices stop!!!  
  
RIKER: Hey, you stupid dolls!! Shut-up!!  
  
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS: . . . It's a Small World after all! . . .   
  
RIKER: I can't, Deanna!!  
  
TROI (screaming at the top of her lungs with horror): WILL!!! MAKE THEM STOP!!!! MAKE  
THE VOICES STOP!!!!!!  
  
RIKER: I'm trying!! Hang on!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Will Data and Geordi ever make it to the Indiana Jones Adventure? What will become of  
Worf? Will Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher enjoy their ride on Space Mountain? Will  
Commander Riker and Troi ever escape the terror of the Small World robots? Please read  
"M-I-C-K-E-Y . . . (Part II)" to find out!!  
  
Don't forget: I love reviews!! Thanx!! ;)  
  
  
  



	2. . . . And the Insanity Ends!

"M-I-C-K-E-Y . . . (Part II)"  
by Capt. Janeway  
  
SUMMARY: Part II of 2 . . . Riker and Troi attempt to overcome the annoying robotic dolls  
of It's a Small World, Doctor Crusher gets sick, and the introduction of Lieutenant Oneline & Ensign  
Walkon!   
  
RATING: G  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please read Part I, first!! Also, special thanx to the "Crystalline Entity" (a.k.a.  
my father) for his help with the Picard-Crusher scenes. :)  
  
DISCLAIMER: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
FEEDBACK: Yes! Please!! Be a responsible reader!!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
MAJEL BARRETT'S COMPUTER VOICE: Previously on Star Trek: The Next Generation:  
  
+ Data and Geordi were stuck somewhere in all those confusing corridors of the Indiana  
Jones Adventure  
  
+ Worf was hiding behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse in Toontown  
  
+ Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher were just starting their ride on Space Mountain  
  
+ Troi was going insane in It's a Small World due to that infamous annoying song as Riker  
tried to figure out how to make the dolls stop singing  
  
  
And now the conclusion . . .   
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Right back where we left LAFORGE and DATA in the never-ending fake entrance to  
the Indiana Jones Adventure:)  
  
LAFORGE (dramatically): Data!! You must go on the Adventure without me!! I'm a goner!!  
  
DATA: You are not a "goner," Geordi. If you were, my tricorder would recognize that.  
  
LAFORGE: I'm doomed, DOOMED, I TELL YOU!!!!  
  
DATA: Geordi, it is all an artifact of your imagination. My tricorder readings indicate that you are only  
slightly dehydrated.  
  
LAFORGE: DOOMED!! DOO--What did you say, Data?!  
  
DATA: You are only slightly dehydrated.  
  
LAFORGE: Oh!! That's why I was having all those hallucinations!!   
  
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.  
  
LAFORGE: Okay, well . . . let's keep going, then!  
  
(LAFORGE and DATA resume their journey in search of the REAL entrance to the Indiana  
Jones Adventure.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse in Mickey's Toontown. We see WORF is still in  
his hiding place as the little kids continue to run everywhere around him. The people wearing the  
Mickey & Minnie Mouse costumes really don't care about what's going on with the little kids, in spite  
of the fact that they're screaming at an alarming volume. WORF eventually works up the nerve to  
come back to the front of the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse, brandishing his very deadly-looking phaser rifle.   
Suddenly, the kids stop running around, and just stare at him in terror. As to them the sight of  
WORF is even more frightening than seeing Mickey & Minnie Mouse loose their heads, the kids  
resume their screaming, which has grown considerably louder. Finally, poor WORF, who can't take  
much more of this, goes ballistic:)  
  
WORF: BE QUIET!!!!!!  
  
LITTLE KID #1 (running away, frightened): Ahhhhhhh!!!! Mommy!!!! Help!!! It's a guy with a really  
wrinkly forehead!!! Eeeeeek!!!  
  
LITTLE KID #2 (whining): Leave us alone!!!! We didn't do anything!!!  
  
LITTLE KID #3 (seriously): Are you my Grandpa? He's got lotsa wrinkles, too . . .  
  
WORF: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I AM DISHONORED BY THIS MISSION!!! IF CAPTAIN  
PICARD WAS HERE, I'D KILL HIM WHERE HE STOOD!!!  
  
LITTLE KID #3 (his lower lip trembling): Please, sir . . . Are you my Grandpa? I'm lost . . .  
  
WORF: I am not your Grandpa, wimpy young human male!! Leave me alone!!  
  
LITTLE KID #3: Are you sure you're not my Grandpa?  
  
WORF: VERY!!!  
  
LITTLE KID #3: 'Cause that's how he talks to me . . . he doesn't like me too much . . .  
  
WORF: I can see why!!  
  
LITTLE KID (starting to cry): You (sob!) . . . you (sob!! sob!!) hurt my feelings!! Waaah!!!  
  
WORF: BACK!!!! LEAVE!!!!!!!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Inside It's a Small World. RIKER and TROI are still being tortured by that awful  
song:)  
  
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS (singing annoyingly): . . . It's a Small World after all!! It's a Small World  
after all!! It's a Small World after all!! It's a Small, Small World!! . . .  
  
TROI: WILL!!! MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!!! THE VOICES!!!!!! THOSE HORRIBLE,  
ANNOYING VOICES!!!!!!!  
  
RIKER: Hang on, Deanna . . .  
  
(RIKER whips out his phaser and shoots the dolls.)  
  
TROI: THEY'RE STILL SINGING!!!!!!!!!  
  
RIKER: It must be some kind of recorder . . .   
  
(RIKER looks around as TROI continues to scream.)  
  
THE RECORDER: . . . It's a Small World after all!!! It's a Small, Small World!!! . . .   
  
RIKER (seeing the RECORDER hidden in a corner): Ah-ha!!  
  
(RIKER fires his phaser at the RECORDER, which makes a huge explosion that engulfs the  
entire ride . . .)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: With PICARD and CRUSHER as they ride Space Mountain. PICARD looks like  
he's having the time of his life, although the same cannot be said for CRUSHER, who looks as though  
she's about to turn a nice shade of green:)  
  
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!!  
  
PICARD: What?!  
  
CRUSHER: I--I don't feel very well!!  
  
PICARD: What do you mean, you don't feel well?! You're the doctor . . . you're never supposed to  
get sick!!  
  
CRUSHER: Well, I am, Jean-Luc!!  
  
PICARD: Hang on . . . the ride'll be over soon!!  
  
(They continue to ride Space Mountain, with CRUSHER hanging on for dear life. Suddenly, a  
bright light flashes directly in PICARD's eyes:)  
  
PICARD (in a trance): I am Locutus of Borg . . . Resistance is futile . . .   
  
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc?  
  
PICARD: . . . Your culture will adapt to service us . . . Your technological and biological distinctiveness  
will be added to our own . . . Resistance is futile . . .   
  
  
CRUSHER (sarcastically): Great!! This is just wonderful!! I'm getting motion sickness as I'm sitting  
next to my Captain who is turning back into a Borg drone!! Things can't get any worse!!  
  
(Suddenly, the lights go dark, and the coaster stops. Groans can be heard in the background  
from some cars behind CRUSHER and PICARD's.)  
  
CRUSHER (quietly to herself): Me and my big mouth. (turning to someone behind her) What's going  
on?  
  
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Don't tell me you don't know.  
  
CRUSHER: I don't.  
  
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Haven't you heard?!   
California's having a major power crisis . . . That's why the rides shut down every once in a while.   
Stupid rolling blackouts!!  
  
CRUSHER: Rolling blackouts?! I can't believe that your leader--   
  
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: --his name's Gray Davis   
  
CRUSHER: --Gray Davis would allow such a thing!!  
  
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Idunno . . . I'm just an  
anonymous unpaid extra sitting behind you . . . I don't know nothin' 'bout politics . . .   
  
(CRUSHER turns around and sighs wearily as PICARD drones on:)  
  
PICARD: Resistance is futile . . . You will be assimilated . . .   
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: At the REAL entrance to the Indiana Jones Adventure finally!. We see DATA and  
LAFORGE just entering where all those neat Jeep-shaped cars are:)  
  
LAFORGE: We made it!! Finally!! We survived!!  
  
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.  
  
LAFORGE: Now . . . what are we supposed to do?  
  
DATA: I believe we are to get into one of those cars that is shaped like a Jeep.  
  
LAFORGE: Oh! Okay . . .   
  
(LAFORGE and DATA get into a car with some other people and strap themselves in.)  
  
LAFORGE: Are you nervous, Data?  
  
DATA: Of course not, Geordi.  
  
LAFORGE: Oh, yeah, that's right . . . this fic takes place BEFORE you get your emotion chip . . .   
  
(Suddenly, the car gives a jolt as it starts to move forward. The fellow passengers of our two  
beloved Starfleet officers give little screams of delight as the car really starts to get going . . .)  
  
DATA: Geordi, it would be advisable to hang on to the safety bar.  
  
LAFORGE (sarcastically): I think I know that, Data.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: At the ruins of It's a Small World. We see RIKER and TROI slowly trying to get up  
as they cough violently, covered from head to toe in soot. The crawl around the debris, sometimes  
using big chunks of the ride to prop themselves up to help them stand.)  
  
RIKER: Ooooooh . . . That didn't feel so good . . .   
  
TROI (ecstatic): The voices!! They're gone!! Oh, Will, thank you so much!! Thank you, thank you,  
thank you, thank you!!!  
  
RIKER: Yeah, sure . . . (wincing as he tries to stand) Ow!! Stupid ride . . . just had to . . . play the . . .  
stupid song!!  
  
TROI: Are you all right, Will?  
  
RIKER (dryly): Just peachy.  
  
TROI: Maybe we should go back to the ship . . .   
  
RIKER: No, really, I'm fine . . . Let's uh, just go find Doctor Crusher . . .   
  
TROI: All right. You need help up, Will?  
  
RIKER: Nope, that's--(as he tries to stand again)--AAAAUGH!!  
  
TROI (pulling RIKER to his feet): Let's go.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: The entrance to Mickey's Toontown. We see WORF running out of Mickey's  
Toontown as quickly as his Klingon legs can carry him, as he's followed by LITTLE KID #3. WORF  
keeps running, until finally LITTLE KID #3 gives up, and buys an ice cream cone. WORF now just  
walks toward New Orleans Square, nervously looking around him.)  
  
WORF (mumbling to himself): I must find a way to preserve what little honor I have left . . .  
  
(Another crowd of little kids encounters WORF, and they run away, screaming their lungs out.)  
  
WORF (angrily): I will preserve my honor by killing Captain Picard for this!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Back in Fantasyland with TROI and RIKER. RIKER is limping along, using TROI's  
shoulder for support. Unfortunately, TROI isn't strong enough to support RIKER's weight, and they  
both collapse on the ground. TROI gets up, and manages to help RIKER back up. They continue  
along in a similar fashion as before, collapsing every few steps and having to get back up again. Finally,  
an exhausted TROI can't take any more:)  
  
TROI: Will!! I can't take much more of this!!  
  
RIKER (rubbing his back): Neither can I, Deanna.  
  
TROI: Why don't we go on the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride for a while?  
  
RIKER: Mmmmm . . . Okay . . . That sounds good . . .  
  
(Suddenly, a SECURITY GUARD walks up to RIKER and TROI:)  
  
SECURITY GUARD: I'm sorry, but you two need to come with me.  
  
TROI: What?! Why?  
  
SECURITY GUARD: For destroying It's a Small World.  
  
RIKER: Oh! That? We destroy things all the time!!  
  
SECURITY GUARD: I understand, sir, but this is Disneyland . . . We don't want to expose the  
children to unnecessary violence.  
  
TROI: But that wasn't violence!  
  
SECURITY GUARD: Then what was it?  
  
TROI: It was . . . ummm . . . hang on . . . . uh . . .   
  
RIKER: It was just, uh, preventing Deanna from going insane! Yeah! That's it!  
  
SECURITY GUARD: I don't know . . . Still, I think you two should come with me, just to be sure.  
  
TROI: Well . . . What if we don't want to?  
  
RIKER: Yeah!! What if we're feeling really rebellious today!!  
  
SECURITY GUARD (calling into the crowd): Bugsy!! Jasper!!!  
  
(BUGSY and JASPER step forward from the crowd. RIKER and TROI suddenly get anxious  
expressions on their faces, as BUGSY and JASPER are quite large and have a VERY significant  
amount of muscle mass. They speak with Brooklyn accents:)  
  
BUGSY: You called, Boss?  
  
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah . . . take these two down to the security station . . . I want 'em checked  
out.  
  
JASPER: Sure thing, Boss.  
  
(BUGSY and JASPER take hold of RIKER and TROI who are literally trembling with fear,  
and they drag the two Starfleet officers away.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Back with PICARD and CRUSHER on Space Mountain. PICARD is still droning on  
and on about how futile resistance is, while CRUSHER slowly breathes in and out to help settle her  
stomach:)  
  
CRUSHER (mumbling to herself): All right, now, as long as the ride doesn't start up again, I'll be all  
right . . .   
  
(Suddenly, the lights flicker back to life, and the ride abruptly starts up again. As the scene  
closes, we can hear a gagging noise coming from CRUSHER, and groans and complaints from the  
people sitting behind her . . .)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just inside New Orleans Square. We see WORF glancing nervously around him as he  
walks, hoping to not call any unnecessary attention to himself. He notices one of those little gift shops,  
and, cautiously, slips inside:)  
  
SALESWOMAN (pleasantly): Hello, sir. What can I do for you today?  
  
WORF (his voice lowered): Hide me.  
  
SALESWOMAN (confused): I'm sorry . . . I don't understand . . .  
  
WORF: Hide me!!  
  
SALESWOMAN: From who?  
  
WORF: JUST HIDE ME, YOU PUNY HUMAN FEMALE!!!!!!!  
  
SALESWOMAN: Ummmm . . . okay . . . here! (she opens a little cabinet door) You think you can  
squeeze in here?  
  
WORF: I shall try.  
  
(WORF looks quizzically at the little cabinet for a moment, then tries to get inside as the scene  
closes . . .)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just outside the exit for the Indiana Jones Adventure which, conveniently enough for  
the owners of Disneyland, also serves as a gift shop. We see LAFORGE walk out with a huge grin  
on his face:)  
  
LAFORGE (calling over his shoulder into the exit): Wow!! That was a lot of fun, wasn't it, Data?! I  
mean, all that fire and the big rolling boulder and stuff . . .  
  
(We finally see DATA, who obviously enjoyed the gift shop. He walks out of the exit wearing  
that famous leather hat, along with all those khaki explorer clothes, whip, and boots like the stuff that  
Harrison Ford wore in the Indiana Jones movies.)  
  
DATA (cocking his head): Yes, Geordi, the ride was well-worth the incredible amount of time it took  
to arrive at the true entrance.  
  
LAFORGE: You wanna go on it again, Data?  
  
DATA: According to my internal chronometer, we would arrive in New Orleans Square three hours,  
twenty-five minutes, thirty-six seconds late.  
  
LAFORGE: Oh . . . the Captain might not like that too much . . . Well, what do you say we go on over  
to New Orleans Square, and see what's over there?  
  
DATA: Ah! An excellent idea, Geordi.  
  
(DATA and LAFORGE slowly start to head back toward New Orleans Square.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Back at the gift shop in New Orleans Square. WORF is still trying to squeeze into the  
tiny cabinet:)  
  
WORF: This is becoming very dishonorable . . .   
  
SALESWOMAN: You need help?  
  
WORF: To accept help from someone like you would be even MORE dishonorable!!  
  
SALESWOMAN (backing away): Okay, okay, sheesh . . . You don't need to yell . . .   
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Inside a little fake "jailhouse" in Mickey's Toontown. We see RIKER and TROI  
looking sorrowfully between the bars as little kids pass by, but they think that RIKER and TROI are  
part of an elaborate joke, and keep walking.)  
  
RIKER: Please, sir!! Could you please spare some money?  
  
TROI: Or food! We're very hungry!!  
  
MAN: Hah-hah! Look, Tommy!! Aren't those people funny?! They're asking for our help!! Ha!!!!  
  
TOMMY: Hah!! Yeah, Dad!!  
  
(MAN and TOMMY walk away, laughing heartily.)  
  
RIKER (looking as though he's going to cry): Why do they laugh (sniffle!), Deanna? (sniffle! sniffle!)  
  
TROI: Oh, Will, don't worry! I'm sure Worf will be along in a few minutes . . . He'll help us, I'm sure!  
  
RIKER: Okay. (sniffle!)  
  
(They hug.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just outside the exit for Space Mountain. We see PICARD walking mechanically out,  
still droning on about how our technological and biological distinctiveness will be added to their own,  
blah, blah, blah. CRUSHER follows him out eventually, stumbling around and holding her hands over  
her mouth.)  
  
PICARD (still in his trance): . . . Resistance is futile . . .   
  
CRUSHER (weakly): Jean-Luc, I could use a little help . . .   
  
PICARD: . . . Lower your shields and surrender your ships . . .   
  
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc?  
  
PICARD: . . . Your technological and biological distinctiveness will be added to our own . . .   
  
CRUSHER: JEAN-LUC!!!!!  
  
PICARD: . . . Resistance is futile . . .   
  
CRUSHER: JEAN-LUC, SHUT-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Just outside Pirates of the Caribbean. We see LAFORGE and DATA still clad in  
Indiana Jones attire looking around. LAFORGE is looking a little lost:)  
  
LAFORGE: Well, Data, it looks like nobody's here yet.  
  
DATA: Perhaps they are lost.  
  
LAFORGE: Hmmmm . . . That could be . . . (suddenly noticing that they're standing in front of Pirates  
of the Caribbean:) Hey, Data!!  
  
DATA: What is it, Geordi?  
  
LAFORGE: You wanna go on Pirates of the Caribbean?  
  
DATA: I do not believe that it would do any harm.  
  
LAFORGE: Great!! Let's go!!  
  
(LAFORGE runs inside the building, while DATA attempts to descend the stairs, although he's  
having some difficulty due to those nifty-looking Indiana Jones boots he's wearing . . .)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Back in Tomorrowland with CRUSHER who is still quite ill and PICARD who  
still considers himself as Locutus:)  
  
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!! Shut-up, already!!  
  
PICARD: . . . Resistance is futile . . .   
  
CRUSHER: YOU STUPID beeeeeeeeep!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
PICARD: . . . We will add--(suddenly snapping out of his trance:) What the heck is going on?!  
  
CRUSHER: Thank goodness!! It's about time!!  
  
PICARD: About time for what?  
  
CRUSHER: You were Locutus, again, Jean-Luc.  
  
PICARD: Oh . . . Beverly, you don't look very well . . .  
  
CRUSHER: Oh, no, Jean-Luc, really . . . (rubbing her stomach) I'll, uh, be fine . . . just don't make any  
sudden moves . . .   
  
(Suddenly, there is a very large earthquake, which shakes-up PICARD and CRUSHER pretty  
well, and . . . well, needless to say, we hear gagging noises as CRUSHER's stomach rejects its  
contents; PICARD holds his nose as the scene closes . . .)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Back in Mickey's Toontown. It is now getting dark, but TROI is still holding out  
hope:)  
  
TROI: Don't worry, Will . . . Worf will be here . . . eventually . . . I hope . . .   
  
RIKER: Oh, what's the point, Deanna?! Who are we trying to kid!! I should have never let the  
Captain take us down here!!  
  
TROI: DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?! WORF WILL BE HERE EVENTUALLY!!!!!  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: Back at the gift shop in New Orleans Square. WORF is STILL trying to get into the  
little cabinet . . . he's almost completely inside except for his right leg:)  
  
WORF: Puny human female!!  
  
SALESWOMAN: The name's Cynthia.  
  
WORF: Puny human female!!  
  
SALESWOMAN: It's Cynthia, you nitwit!!  
  
WORF: Chop off my leg!! It is dishonorable!!  
  
SALESWOMAN: But, it'll make a huge mess on the floor!! My boss'll kill me for that!!  
  
WORF: I do not care!! It is dishonorable!! Cut it off!!  
  
SALESWOMAN: Ummmm . . . Okay, hang on . . .   
  
(SALESWOMAN goes into the back room to look for something sharp. She comes out with  
a letter-opener:)  
  
SALESWOMAN: Will this work?  
  
WORF: YES!!! Anything!!! Just as long as you cut it off!!!!!  
  
SALESWOMAN: Okay, hang on . . .   
  
(SALESWOMAN bends down with the letter-opener in her right hand to start her new job . .  
.)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: With LAFORGE and DATA as they ride Pirates of the Caribbean. They are entering  
one of the larger rooms with all those feuding pirates:)  
  
LAFORGE: Wow!! This is really neat, Data . . .  
  
DATA (reading from his tricorder): Geordi?  
  
LAFORGE: What is it, Data?  
  
DATA: I believe that these robotic pirates (he pauses for added suspense) . . . are sentient beings.  
  
LAFORGE: Wow!! You really think so?!  
  
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.  
  
LAFORGE: Well, what should we do about it?  
  
THE PIRATES (singing): . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!!! . . .  
  
DATA: I believe we should attempt to free them.  
  
LAFORGE: But how will we do that, Data?  
  
DATA: Perhaps we should ask them. (increasing the volume of his voice:) Excuse me, sirs, but  
perhaps you could tell us how exactly we ought to try to free you.  
  
THE PIRATES: . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!! . . .   
  
DATA: I understand that is what you would like, but first you must tell us how we can help you.  
  
THE PIRATES: . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!! . . .   
  
******************************************************************************  
  
(Setting: On the bridge of the Enterprise. LIEUTENANT ONELINE is sitting in the captain's  
chair, and the bridge has nothing but people we have never seen before on the show controlling it:)  
  
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Ensign Walkon!!   
  
ENSIGN WALKON: Yes, sir?  
  
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Have you heard anything from the Away Team yet?  
  
ENSIGN WALKON: Nope. Not a peep, sir.  
  
LIEUTENANT ONELINE (muttering under his breath): It's been four hours already . . . (to ENSIGN  
WALKON:) Set a course for the anomalous anomaly!  
  
ENSIGN WALKON: But, sir! What about the Captain and the rest of the senior officers?!  
  
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Aw, forget them already!! You KNOW they'd do the same thing to us  
without the slightest bit of hesitation . . . I think it's time to turn the tables on the writers!! Who's with  
me!! MUTINY!! MUTINY!!!  
  
ENSIGN WALKON: Yeah!! MUTINY!! MUTINY!!  
  
(The other bridge officers soon catch on, and they all chant "MUTINY!! MUTINY!!" as the  
fic ends . . .)  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Did this fic barely qualify for humor, or are you rolling on the floor laughin' like there's no  
tomorrow? Whatever the case may be, please let me know what you think by REVIEWING!!   
Thanx!! ;) 


End file.
